Today is Wednesday... well, for the next 22 minutes or so, but it is still Wednesday nonetheless. It's the first Wednesday of May, and I have until the last Wednesday of May until I have to say goodbye to my daughter for 18 months. She is going to Utica, New York to be a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints; and while I couldn't be more proud, or wish for her to be any where else on the planet, I am, how you call it, freaking out little bit! (That sounds much better if you read it with a Russian accent).
She's excited, I'm excited, we're all excited...really, truly, deeply. It's a blessing to have a child be worthy, willing and able to go. She will be an excellent missionary, of that I am sure. She loves her Savior, and she loves helping others. That, my friends, is a winning combination. She knows how to work hard and she doesn't quit. She's tough...tougher than me...
I find myself crying in my closet, in my shower, in the car, in the store... pretty much anywhere and at any time. It doesn't take much to set me off either. A song, someone saying goodbye to someone else, a picture of her as a little girl...you probably get the idea. It seems the more I try to hold it in, the more it just leaks out and gets all over everything. I am hoping that these little mini-meltdowns will help me avoid a major meltdown when that last Wednesday comes.
So, what are we doing? We've made a list...several lists. Movies to see, dvd's to watch, restaurants to frequent and favorite meals to fix. We've been on a pretty steady diet of good food and late night frivolity since she got home last week! I have to say, I'm a little tired and worn down, but it's worth it! We still have bags to pack and things to buy, and we'll get it done...if we can get some sleep. These moments of laughing and talking into the wee hours of the morning are to good to pass up, and I'm not going to.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Chicken Soup for my Soul
I can admit it...I'm a stalker...a blog stalker. There are few things I enjoy more than reading and keeping up on the personal lives of people I don't even know...and some that I do. I just love it. I love to see people overcome adversity and then inspire others to do the same. I love reading about moms who love being moms, but can admit that on some days it can totally suck the life right out of you. The shared experience is what I love...and I got it today... on a day that I really needed it.
In just a minute I'm going to share a blog post with you that has really changed my life...really. Don't try skipping ahead to read it now. I've disabled the settings so that you must finish reading mine before you can be linked to hers. For real. Don't even ask me how I did it.
I have to start with a short story...a story in which I may sound like I'm patting myself on the back...but I'm not. There's a point.
Today two different friends sent me a text for a "buy one-get one free" meal at Chik-Fil-A. My little kids were getting out early from school and I thought it would be a nice surprise...and mostly, I was really hungry. I had been doing work for Brayden's teacher and ended up staying a lot longer than I usually do, so I decided to a treat was in order.
As I was about to pull into the drive thru, I noticed a homeless man sitting on a bench in the cold. Those of you outside of California may scoff at the use of my word cold, but it has been very chilly here recently. As I placed my order I decided to order him some soup. I had a few bags left that we had made with some friends for the homeless during the holidays, so I grabbed one, took the soup and went to find him. Of course he was gone! I got back in my car, determined to track him down. I found him, gave him the goods, and teared up as I sat in my warm SUV with heated seats wondering why I ever complain about anything! He had already sat down on the overturned 5-gallon bucket he had been carrying in his cart and started to eat. I was happy that he was enjoying it as I drove away.
Five seconds later I reached into my bag for a waffle fry and I teared up again.
A cup of soup? You are so selfish! Why didn't you give him the chicken and the fries? A cup of soup?? I'm sure that will make a big difference in his life. Enjoy your lunch!
That's literally how I felt...like a loser.
I go through this a lot. Do something good. Think of how much better it should have been. Feel bad.
I know that's not how Heavenly Father wanted me to feel. He is the one who inspired me to feel for the man in the first place. I am convinced that Satan is behind those kinds of feelings. Feelings that we haven't done enough, we're not good enough, thin enough, fast enough, strong enough. Feelings that make us not want to even bother...because it won't be perfect enough. We've all felt it at one time or another, especially as women. I had been pondering on this for the rest of the day, and tonight on Facebook (of all places) I came across this blog post that Makenzie's sweet roommate, Annie, had read and shared. So thank you Annie, thank you Kathryn Thompson of Daringyoungmom.com, it was just what I needed, when I needed it!
And now, read this amazing post:
http://www.daringyoungmom.com/2012/12/19/drops-of-awesome/
In just a minute I'm going to share a blog post with you that has really changed my life...really. Don't try skipping ahead to read it now. I've disabled the settings so that you must finish reading mine before you can be linked to hers. For real. Don't even ask me how I did it.
I have to start with a short story...a story in which I may sound like I'm patting myself on the back...but I'm not. There's a point.
Today two different friends sent me a text for a "buy one-get one free" meal at Chik-Fil-A. My little kids were getting out early from school and I thought it would be a nice surprise...and mostly, I was really hungry. I had been doing work for Brayden's teacher and ended up staying a lot longer than I usually do, so I decided to a treat was in order.
As I was about to pull into the drive thru, I noticed a homeless man sitting on a bench in the cold. Those of you outside of California may scoff at the use of my word cold, but it has been very chilly here recently. As I placed my order I decided to order him some soup. I had a few bags left that we had made with some friends for the homeless during the holidays, so I grabbed one, took the soup and went to find him. Of course he was gone! I got back in my car, determined to track him down. I found him, gave him the goods, and teared up as I sat in my warm SUV with heated seats wondering why I ever complain about anything! He had already sat down on the overturned 5-gallon bucket he had been carrying in his cart and started to eat. I was happy that he was enjoying it as I drove away.
Five seconds later I reached into my bag for a waffle fry and I teared up again.
A cup of soup? You are so selfish! Why didn't you give him the chicken and the fries? A cup of soup?? I'm sure that will make a big difference in his life. Enjoy your lunch!
That's literally how I felt...like a loser.
I go through this a lot. Do something good. Think of how much better it should have been. Feel bad.
I know that's not how Heavenly Father wanted me to feel. He is the one who inspired me to feel for the man in the first place. I am convinced that Satan is behind those kinds of feelings. Feelings that we haven't done enough, we're not good enough, thin enough, fast enough, strong enough. Feelings that make us not want to even bother...because it won't be perfect enough. We've all felt it at one time or another, especially as women. I had been pondering on this for the rest of the day, and tonight on Facebook (of all places) I came across this blog post that Makenzie's sweet roommate, Annie, had read and shared. So thank you Annie, thank you Kathryn Thompson of Daringyoungmom.com, it was just what I needed, when I needed it!
And now, read this amazing post:
http://www.daringyoungmom.com/2012/12/19/drops-of-awesome/
Sunday, December 9, 2012
"Oh Martha, Oh Christmas!!"
I'm a little sad about my last blog post to be honest. Not only was I depressed and gloomy...about Christmas of all things, but my grammar and use of proper tense forms were way off. Please forgive me, I will try not to let it happen again.
But, I must tell you, a Christmas miracle occurred that night. Nothing like THE Christmas miracle, of course, but more like a minor one in the grand scheme of things. There I was, bemoaning my lack of Christmas spirit, when I decided to take my own advice (from the afore mentioned post) and break out some hot chocolate. My dear friend Misty had just delivered some dee-licious Land O Lakes French Vanilla hot cocoa, and as a connoisseur of fine hot cocoas, I must admit, this one might just take the cake...er the cocoa. It warmed my very soul, THAT's how good it was.
So then, with my warm cup in hand, I decided to do a little surfing on Facebook, because sometimes (and let's be honest here) you feel like your life is less pitiful when you read what other ding-dongs are doing on Facebook! Any hoo, I digress...I'm surfing...on Facebook. Bam! I see the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life. One of my friends (who is an awesome photographer, by the by) had posted a picture that summed up entirely how I was feeling at that very moment...
And yet, had the power to almost single handedly transform my dreary, dreary mood! Are you ready????
 |
| Taken by the fabulous Jamie of JamiliaJean Photography...and yes, I can give you her number- you'll have to get your kids to cry! |
How do you not love this picture?? This, my friends, was me...People wanted me to be happy - I wanted me to be happy, but I just wasn't happy! Until. I. saw. this! I laughed so hard I cried! I cried real tears! I cried because I was lacking my own JOY. I cried because the kids were crying. I cried because somewhere a mom was probably crying. I cried because at that moment, I knew I shouldn't be crying! My life is good! My life is great! And...I cried because it's Christmas time! My most favorite time of the year! I love it! I love, love, love, love, love Christmas time! I truly, truly do.
After shutting down FB, I wandered into the family room with my still-warm cocoa, and watched an episode of Elementary. Love that too. (Are you sensing a theme?) I am a Sherlock Holmes fan, and even though the episode had nothing to do with Christmas, it made me smile...and I just like smiling.
People, I was nearly there! Nearly back to my old Christmassy self... just one last thing. I hadn't said a decent prayer in two weeks...other than "please don't let me get sick on the plane," and "please make the room stop spinning!" Those kind of prayers, while desperate, aren't really quality prayers. I knelt down by my bed and offered up a truly heartfelt prayer; gratitude for the many blessings I have and the glorious (though far from perfect) life I have been blessed to lead. I was almost in awe of the spirit that washed over me. All of my gloom was gone, just....gone! It was replaced with happiness that had been missing for a while, and JOY...real, live, JOY! I'm usually pretty reverent during my prayers, although I believe my Father in Heaven and I have shared a few chuckles, but at the conclusion of this prayer, I said my 'Amen' and then I let the giddiness overtake me as I hugged myself and breathed out one of my favorite lines from "The Grinch;" 'Oh Martha, Oh Christmas!'
I am now officially full to the brim with Christmas Spirit! No Grinches allowed! (Except on dvd!)
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Where are you Christmas?
Yesterday I finally got dressed at around 4:30...p.m! And when I say I got dressed, I mean I added a bra to my sweats, T-shirt and slippers. I had to pick Quincy up from school, which being dressed is not a pre-requisite for, but we also had to go to Walmart. I know, I know, it would have been perfectly acceptable for me to walk in there sans the bra, but since I can no longer blame my hallucinations and 1/3 of my pride is back, I added the bra.
As I slunk past the bell-ringer, my eyes caught a flashing "20 Days to Christmas!" sign and I literally stopped in my tracks and stared at the sign. 20 days? 20...as in only 6 days more than 2 weeks?! What the (we'll go with heck!) I couldn't believe it! Where had I been?
Home. I had been at home. In bed. In bed with the monster flu. Monster as in the kind old people die from. In bed for a week. That just doesn't happen to me. I was finally up-right, but I had lost a whole week of Christmas planning. Today I was dressed by 1...in actual jeans and shoes, but I still feel blah, and I don't want to feel blah...it's December! My favorite month of the year.
Quincy's been bugging me to let the creepy little elf out of his box for the last two days, but seriously, I just don't have the heart. There were many nights last Christmas when I had to rouse myself from bed to go move the little bugger to a new hiding place, and I just can't face it yet. (I was usually up watering my tree anyway, so two birds, one stone). I figure if he shows up 2 weeks before Christmas it'll all be just fine.
College girl is coming home in about 10 days, and I need to be my peppy, perky, holiday-buzzed, overly exuberant self for the rest of the year. I don't have time to wait around for the Christmas spirit to arrive. I need it NOW! So, I guess I need a plan. Here goes:
1. Cut back on all the things I think I need to do to make it a Merry Christmas.
2. Do something nice for someone.
3. Get a peppermint shake from Chik-fil-A.
4. Get my tree up this weekend.
5. Break out the hot cocoa.
6. Watch a Christmas movie...STAT! (I watched It's a Wonderful Life while I had the flu but I wanted to join George when he jumped off the bridge).
7. Get Grammy's nativity set out.
8. Don't even think of making a Santa out of bread for anyone this year!
9. Listen to Christmas music.
10. Focus on the real reason we celebrate Christmas.
That should do it. I'll start tomorrow.
As I slunk past the bell-ringer, my eyes caught a flashing "20 Days to Christmas!" sign and I literally stopped in my tracks and stared at the sign. 20 days? 20...as in only 6 days more than 2 weeks?! What the (we'll go with heck!) I couldn't believe it! Where had I been?
Home. I had been at home. In bed. In bed with the monster flu. Monster as in the kind old people die from. In bed for a week. That just doesn't happen to me. I was finally up-right, but I had lost a whole week of Christmas planning. Today I was dressed by 1...in actual jeans and shoes, but I still feel blah, and I don't want to feel blah...it's December! My favorite month of the year.
Quincy's been bugging me to let the creepy little elf out of his box for the last two days, but seriously, I just don't have the heart. There were many nights last Christmas when I had to rouse myself from bed to go move the little bugger to a new hiding place, and I just can't face it yet. (I was usually up watering my tree anyway, so two birds, one stone). I figure if he shows up 2 weeks before Christmas it'll all be just fine.
College girl is coming home in about 10 days, and I need to be my peppy, perky, holiday-buzzed, overly exuberant self for the rest of the year. I don't have time to wait around for the Christmas spirit to arrive. I need it NOW! So, I guess I need a plan. Here goes:
1. Cut back on all the things I think I need to do to make it a Merry Christmas.
2. Do something nice for someone.
3. Get a peppermint shake from Chik-fil-A.
4. Get my tree up this weekend.
5. Break out the hot cocoa.
6. Watch a Christmas movie...STAT! (I watched It's a Wonderful Life while I had the flu but I wanted to join George when he jumped off the bridge).
7. Get Grammy's nativity set out.
8. Don't even think of making a Santa out of bread for anyone this year!
9. Listen to Christmas music.
10. Focus on the real reason we celebrate Christmas.
That should do it. I'll start tomorrow.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Thankful
My little kids asked Kelly the other day why he always says 'thank you' and he replied that he would be afraid not to say it. I'm not sure they knew what he meant, but I am.
Today Savannah, Brayden and I were waiting to pull out onto a busy street behind our house. The light turned green and the car in front of me just sat there long enough for me to contemplate a 'beep' of the horn. I am grateful that I didn't do it. As the lady finally looked up, saw the light was green and let off the brake, a huge landscaping truck barrelled through the intersection at full speed, running his red light. The lady in front of me slammed on her brakes and did honk. While I am grateful that my impatience didn't cause me to honk and have her pull into on-coming traffic, I am also eternally and deeply grateful that she was distracted and sat at the stoplight. Chances are, if she had gone immediately, we would have been in the intersection and been t-boned by that truck. I knew immediately that we were being watched over in that moment. I am thankful for both the protection and the feeling of being protected. I talked to my kids about it, we said a prayer of gratitude and talked about what daddy meant.
The rest of what I am grateful for today is silly in comparison; but I'm still going to say it because we should show gratitude for things big and small.
I am grateful that Chik-fil-A didn't wait until December to bring back their peppermint shakes! They are what one might call...delightful. I had planned on waiting until after Thanksgiving to indulge (due to my diet), but after eating potato soup, homemade bread, rib eye, apple pie and more homemade bread this week, I decided to live a little. After all, if I'm gonna get taken out by a truck, I don't want the last thing I ate to be lettuce! :) I am thankful to know that the South Beach diet will be waiting for me after the holiday season.
I am thankful for my adorable kids! After we got lunch in the drive through, Brayden offered to hold the shake for me. He said, "I'll hold it for you mom, and I won't drink out of it until we get home, because I know you don't want us to get you sick before Thanksgiving!" It's true, I've been hounding them not to drink and/or eat out of my stuff because I have a tendancy to get sick before major holidays and vacations!
I kept the shake with me and ate the cherry off the top. Face it, you can't split a cherry into 3 and I paid for it... Brayden then looked at me and said, "I sure hope no one else runs a red light because I don't want my life to end before I get a taste of that shake!"
I laughed and told him how cute he was and he literally beemed. He said, "Mom, I love being me, I like who I am." I am so thankful he feels that way and hope he can always carry that with him.
I will follow his example. I love being me! I am not perfect, I can be a weirdo and I have a lot of flaws. But I have fun! I am thankful that I like being unique, I like my name, I like laughing...and laughing hard! I am thankful that my kids have these sarcastic, witty senses of humor and that we have inside jokes. I am thankful that I enjoy being a mom. I have the most amazing family- here, there and everywhere. I am thankful for all the people in my life who have shown me such love and friendship. I don't know if anyone on the planet has a better support system and group of friends than I do, just truly amazing people. I am thankful that I'm me!
Today Savannah, Brayden and I were waiting to pull out onto a busy street behind our house. The light turned green and the car in front of me just sat there long enough for me to contemplate a 'beep' of the horn. I am grateful that I didn't do it. As the lady finally looked up, saw the light was green and let off the brake, a huge landscaping truck barrelled through the intersection at full speed, running his red light. The lady in front of me slammed on her brakes and did honk. While I am grateful that my impatience didn't cause me to honk and have her pull into on-coming traffic, I am also eternally and deeply grateful that she was distracted and sat at the stoplight. Chances are, if she had gone immediately, we would have been in the intersection and been t-boned by that truck. I knew immediately that we were being watched over in that moment. I am thankful for both the protection and the feeling of being protected. I talked to my kids about it, we said a prayer of gratitude and talked about what daddy meant.
The rest of what I am grateful for today is silly in comparison; but I'm still going to say it because we should show gratitude for things big and small.
I am grateful that Chik-fil-A didn't wait until December to bring back their peppermint shakes! They are what one might call...delightful. I had planned on waiting until after Thanksgiving to indulge (due to my diet), but after eating potato soup, homemade bread, rib eye, apple pie and more homemade bread this week, I decided to live a little. After all, if I'm gonna get taken out by a truck, I don't want the last thing I ate to be lettuce! :) I am thankful to know that the South Beach diet will be waiting for me after the holiday season.
I am thankful for my adorable kids! After we got lunch in the drive through, Brayden offered to hold the shake for me. He said, "I'll hold it for you mom, and I won't drink out of it until we get home, because I know you don't want us to get you sick before Thanksgiving!" It's true, I've been hounding them not to drink and/or eat out of my stuff because I have a tendancy to get sick before major holidays and vacations!
I kept the shake with me and ate the cherry off the top. Face it, you can't split a cherry into 3 and I paid for it... Brayden then looked at me and said, "I sure hope no one else runs a red light because I don't want my life to end before I get a taste of that shake!"
I laughed and told him how cute he was and he literally beemed. He said, "Mom, I love being me, I like who I am." I am so thankful he feels that way and hope he can always carry that with him.
I will follow his example. I love being me! I am not perfect, I can be a weirdo and I have a lot of flaws. But I have fun! I am thankful that I like being unique, I like my name, I like laughing...and laughing hard! I am thankful that my kids have these sarcastic, witty senses of humor and that we have inside jokes. I am thankful that I enjoy being a mom. I have the most amazing family- here, there and everywhere. I am thankful for all the people in my life who have shown me such love and friendship. I don't know if anyone on the planet has a better support system and group of friends than I do, just truly amazing people. I am thankful that I'm me!
Sunday, November 11, 2012
She Drives Me Crazy!
I'm at the point in my life where I have a teen with a learner's permit...when did that happen??? Makenzie started driving yesterday and I can't believe it!! I'm old!
Happy Birthday Kelly!
So, about 21 years and three weeks ago, I started dating this guy. I was a nanny in Virginia, he was an intern in Virginia. We met at church. (There is a long, crazy story behind this, but this post is not about me, my clumsiness, nor my ensuing scheming, so we'll save that for another day). Anyway, 21years and three months ago, I started dating this guy...
He was a good guy, I could tell. It wasn't because he opened car doors for me, because he didn't. His passenger side door wouldn't open from the outside, so he would have to get in and lean over to open my door. It may have had something to do with the fact that he just kissed me on my forehead on a night where he probably deserved a real kiss, and that he sat hungry and watched me eat a cheeseburger, fries and key lime pie that he boght me on a night when that's all the money he had in his wallet! (I didn't know that at the time, or I would have shared!) It had a little bit to do with the fact that he knew, loved, and owned the music to "Somewhere in Time," which was a must for any man I would seriously consider marrying, and I asked him if he had heard it on date #2 I think. I was 19 and immature when I met him, but smart enough to know he was a keeper pretty early on.
3 weeks after our first "date," we celebrated his 25th birthday together with friends. I wrote him a poem in a card about being a quarter of a century old...then I taped a quarter into the card. I bought him the soundtrack of 'Dances with Wolves' on cassette (we're sooo old!), because John Barry of Somewhere in Time fame had also composed that music and I knew he would love it! We watched the movie together on our official first date! I also gave him a mug with Hershey kisses and hugs in it. Well, he kept the mug but gave away the candy and he spent the quarter...but he wore out the cassette in his Walkman, so that's okay.
So now it's 20 years of marriage and 5 kids later...wow! Today is his birthday and he's...older than 25! :) He's a wonderful husband and a great father and people love him. They love him because he's kind...to everyone...even, and especially those whom others are not kind too. He always has time to talk to people; friends, family, co-workers and strangers. There are homeless people that are on a first name basis with him...not because he's always given them money, but because he's always talked to them. It's a running joke in our family that the homeless and mentally ill are attracted to Kelly - and it's true. He's been approached by so many different people over the years that I know they can sense the kindness and sincerity in his spirit. He is honest to a fault (don't ask him how you look in something if you don't really want to know) and works harder than anyone I know. I don't think he always gets all the credit he deserves, but he's humble and just keeps on keepin' on. He does what he's supposed to, when he's supposed to and how he's supposed to. He's not perfect, (if you've read other posts you know that), but he's perfect for me. He's so much nicer to me than I am to him. He will do anything for me that I ask, including, but not limited to, getting up at 1am to get me socks for my cold feet, a drink of water, Tylenol or a barfing kid. He'll do anything for our kids; pick them up late from movies, get up early to take them to basketball, make a midnight run to a.m./p.m. for nachos and soda...you get the picture? He'll do almost anything to help anyone, and yes, I have occasionally had to put my foot down- but that's who he is. The only times he's not nice is if you mess with me, then heaven help you!
What a blessing for parents to have a son like that. I hope our kids will follow his example of service and Christ-like love for others. Now that I have known him for almost a quarter of a century, I can honestly say I am the luckiest girl in the world. Love that guy!! Happy Birthday!
He was a good guy, I could tell. It wasn't because he opened car doors for me, because he didn't. His passenger side door wouldn't open from the outside, so he would have to get in and lean over to open my door. It may have had something to do with the fact that he just kissed me on my forehead on a night where he probably deserved a real kiss, and that he sat hungry and watched me eat a cheeseburger, fries and key lime pie that he boght me on a night when that's all the money he had in his wallet! (I didn't know that at the time, or I would have shared!) It had a little bit to do with the fact that he knew, loved, and owned the music to "Somewhere in Time," which was a must for any man I would seriously consider marrying, and I asked him if he had heard it on date #2 I think. I was 19 and immature when I met him, but smart enough to know he was a keeper pretty early on.
3 weeks after our first "date," we celebrated his 25th birthday together with friends. I wrote him a poem in a card about being a quarter of a century old...then I taped a quarter into the card. I bought him the soundtrack of 'Dances with Wolves' on cassette (we're sooo old!), because John Barry of Somewhere in Time fame had also composed that music and I knew he would love it! We watched the movie together on our official first date! I also gave him a mug with Hershey kisses and hugs in it. Well, he kept the mug but gave away the candy and he spent the quarter...but he wore out the cassette in his Walkman, so that's okay.
So now it's 20 years of marriage and 5 kids later...wow! Today is his birthday and he's...older than 25! :) He's a wonderful husband and a great father and people love him. They love him because he's kind...to everyone...even, and especially those whom others are not kind too. He always has time to talk to people; friends, family, co-workers and strangers. There are homeless people that are on a first name basis with him...not because he's always given them money, but because he's always talked to them. It's a running joke in our family that the homeless and mentally ill are attracted to Kelly - and it's true. He's been approached by so many different people over the years that I know they can sense the kindness and sincerity in his spirit. He is honest to a fault (don't ask him how you look in something if you don't really want to know) and works harder than anyone I know. I don't think he always gets all the credit he deserves, but he's humble and just keeps on keepin' on. He does what he's supposed to, when he's supposed to and how he's supposed to. He's not perfect, (if you've read other posts you know that), but he's perfect for me. He's so much nicer to me than I am to him. He will do anything for me that I ask, including, but not limited to, getting up at 1am to get me socks for my cold feet, a drink of water, Tylenol or a barfing kid. He'll do anything for our kids; pick them up late from movies, get up early to take them to basketball, make a midnight run to a.m./p.m. for nachos and soda...you get the picture? He'll do almost anything to help anyone, and yes, I have occasionally had to put my foot down- but that's who he is. The only times he's not nice is if you mess with me, then heaven help you!
What a blessing for parents to have a son like that. I hope our kids will follow his example of service and Christ-like love for others. Now that I have known him for almost a quarter of a century, I can honestly say I am the luckiest girl in the world. Love that guy!! Happy Birthday!
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