"Oh Martha, Oh Christmas!!"

I'm a little sad about my last blog post to be honest.  Not only was I depressed and gloomy...about Christmas of all things, but my grammar and use of proper tense forms were way off.  Please forgive me, I will try not to let it happen again.

But, I must tell you, a Christmas miracle occurred that night.  Nothing like THE Christmas miracle, of course, but more like a minor one in the grand scheme of things.  There I was, bemoaning my lack of Christmas spirit, when I decided to take my own advice (from the afore mentioned post) and break out some hot chocolate.  My dear friend Misty had just delivered some dee-licious Land O Lakes French Vanilla hot cocoa, and as a connoisseur of fine hot cocoas, I must admit, this one might just take the cake...er the cocoa. It warmed my very soul, THAT's how good it was.  

So then, with my warm cup in hand, I decided to do a little surfing on Facebook, because sometimes (and let's be honest here) you feel like your life is less pitiful when you read what other ding-dongs are doing on Facebook! Any hoo, I digress...I'm surfing...on Facebook. Bam! I see the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life.  One of my friends (who is an awesome photographer, by the by) had posted a picture that summed up entirely how I was feeling at that very moment...

And yet, had the power to almost single handedly transform my dreary, dreary mood! Are you ready???? 

Taken by the fabulous Jamie of JamiliaJean Photography...and yes, I can give you her number- you'll have to get your kids to cry!

How do you not love this picture?? This, my friends, was me...People wanted me to be happy - I wanted me to be happy, but I just wasn't happy! Until. I. saw. this! I laughed so hard I cried! I cried real tears! I cried because I was lacking my own JOY. I cried because the kids were crying. I cried because somewhere a mom was probably crying. I cried because at that moment, I knew I shouldn't be crying! My life is good! My life is great! And...I cried because it's Christmas time! My most favorite time of the year!  I love it! I love,  love, love, love, love Christmas time! I truly, truly do.

After shutting down FB, I wandered into the family room with my still-warm cocoa, and watched an episode of Elementary. Love that too. (Are you sensing a theme?) I am a Sherlock Holmes fan, and even though the episode had nothing to do with Christmas, it made me smile...and I just like smiling.

People, I was nearly there! Nearly back to my old Christmassy self... just one last thing.  I hadn't said a decent prayer in two weeks...other than "please don't let me get sick on the plane," and "please make the room stop spinning!" Those kind of prayers, while desperate, aren't really quality prayers.  I knelt down by my bed and offered up a truly heartfelt prayer; gratitude for the many blessings I have and the glorious (though far from perfect) life I have been blessed to lead.  I was almost in awe of the spirit that washed over me.  All of my gloom was gone, just....gone! It was replaced with happiness that had been missing for a while, and JOY...real, live, JOY! I'm usually pretty reverent during my prayers, although I believe my Father in Heaven and I have shared a few chuckles, but at the conclusion of this prayer, I said my 'Amen' and then I let the giddiness overtake me as I hugged myself and breathed out one of my favorite lines from "The Grinch;"  'Oh Martha, Oh Christmas!'

I am now officially full to the brim with Christmas Spirit! No Grinches allowed! (Except on dvd!) 

Where are you Christmas?

Yesterday I finally got dressed at around 4:30...p.m! And when I say I got dressed, I mean I added a bra to my sweats, T-shirt and slippers.  I had to pick Quincy up from school, which being dressed is not a pre-requisite for, but we also had to go to Walmart.  I know, I  know, it would have been perfectly acceptable for me to walk in there sans the bra, but since I can no longer blame my hallucinations and 1/3 of my pride is back, I added the bra.

As I slunk past the bell-ringer, my eyes caught a flashing "20 Days to Christmas!" sign and I literally stopped in my tracks and stared at the sign. 20 days? 20...as in only 6 days more than 2 weeks?! What the (we'll go with heck!) I couldn't believe it! Where had I been?

Home. I had been at home.  In bed.  In bed with the monster flu.  Monster as in the kind old people die from.  In bed for a week.  That just doesn't happen to me.  I was finally up-right, but I had lost a whole week of Christmas planning.  Today I was dressed by 1...in actual jeans and shoes, but I still feel blah, and I don't want to feel blah...it's December! My favorite month of the year.

Quincy's been bugging me to let the creepy little elf out of his box for the last two days, but seriously, I just don't have the heart.  There were many nights last Christmas when I had to rouse myself from bed to go move the little bugger to a new hiding place, and I just can't face it yet.  (I was usually up watering my tree anyway, so two birds, one stone).  I figure if he shows up 2 weeks before Christmas it'll all be just fine. 

College girl is coming home in about 10 days, and I need to be my peppy, perky, holiday-buzzed, overly exuberant self for the rest of the year. I don't have time to wait around for the Christmas spirit to arrive.  I need it NOW!  So, I guess I need a plan.  Here goes:

1. Cut back on all the things I think I need to do to make it a Merry Christmas.
2. Do something nice for someone.
3. Get a peppermint shake from Chik-fil-A.
4. Get my tree up this weekend.
5. Break out the hot cocoa.
6. Watch a Christmas movie...STAT! (I watched It's a Wonderful Life while I had the flu but I wanted to join George when he jumped off the bridge).
7. Get Grammy's nativity set out.
8. Don't even think of making a Santa out of bread for anyone this year!
9. Listen to Christmas music.
10. Focus on the real reason we celebrate Christmas.

That should do it.  I'll start tomorrow. 

Thankful

 My little kids asked Kelly the other day why he always says 'thank you' and he replied that he would be afraid not to say it.  I'm not sure they knew what he meant, but I am.

Today Savannah, Brayden and I were waiting to pull out onto a busy street behind our house.  The light turned green and the car in front of me just sat there long enough for me to contemplate a 'beep' of the horn.  I am grateful that I didn't do it.  As the lady finally looked up, saw the light was green and let off the brake, a huge landscaping truck barrelled through the intersection at full speed, running his red light.  The lady in front of me slammed on her brakes and did honk.  While I am grateful that my impatience didn't cause me to honk and have her pull  into on-coming traffic, I am also eternally and deeply grateful that she was distracted and sat at the stoplight.  Chances are, if she had gone immediately, we would have been in the intersection and been t-boned by that truck. I knew immediately that we were being watched over in that moment.  I am thankful for both the protection and the feeling of being protected.  I talked to my kids about it, we said a prayer of gratitude and talked about what daddy meant.

The rest of what I am grateful for today is silly in comparison; but I'm still going to say it because we should show gratitude for things big and small.

I am grateful that Chik-fil-A didn't wait until December to bring back their peppermint  shakes! They are what one might call...delightful.  I had planned on waiting until after Thanksgiving to indulge (due to my diet), but after eating potato soup, homemade bread, rib eye, apple pie and more homemade bread this week, I decided to live a little.  After all, if I'm gonna get taken out by a truck, I don't want the last thing I ate to be lettuce! :) I am thankful to know that the South Beach diet will be waiting for me after the holiday season.

I am thankful for my adorable kids! After we got lunch in the drive through, Brayden offered to hold the shake for me.  He said, "I'll hold it for you mom, and I won't drink out of it until we get home, because I know you don't want us to get you sick before Thanksgiving!"  It's true, I've been hounding them not to drink and/or eat out of my stuff because I have a tendancy to get sick before major holidays and vacations!

I kept the shake with me and ate the cherry off the top.  Face it, you can't split a cherry into 3 and I paid for it... Brayden then looked at me and said, "I sure hope no one else runs a red light because I don't want my life to end before I get a taste of that shake!"
I laughed and told him how cute he was and he literally beemed.  He said, "Mom, I love being me, I like who I am."  I am so thankful he feels that way and hope he can always carry that with him.

I will follow his example.  I love being me! I am not perfect, I can be a weirdo and I have a lot of flaws.  But I have fun! I am thankful that I like being unique, I like my name, I like laughing...and laughing hard! I am thankful that my kids have these sarcastic, witty senses of humor and that we have inside jokes.  I am thankful that I enjoy being a mom. I have the most amazing family- here, there and everywhere. I am thankful for all the people in my life who have shown me such love and friendship.  I don't know if anyone on the planet has a better support system and group of friends than I do, just truly amazing people.  I am thankful that I'm me!

She Drives Me Crazy!

I'm at the point in my life where I have a teen with a learner's permit...when did that happen??? Makenzie started driving yesterday and I can't believe it!! I'm old!

Happy Birthday Kelly!

So, about 21 years and three weeks ago, I started dating this guy.  I was a nanny in Virginia, he was an intern in Virginia.  We met at church.  (There is a long, crazy story behind this, but this post is not about me, my clumsiness, nor my ensuing scheming, so we'll save that for another day).  Anyway, 21years and three months ago, I started dating this guy...
He was a good guy, I could tell.  It wasn't because he opened car doors for me, because he didn't.  His passenger side door wouldn't open from the outside, so he would have to get in and lean over to open my door.  It may have had something to do with the fact that he just kissed me on my forehead on a night where he probably deserved a real kiss, and that he sat hungry and watched me eat a cheeseburger, fries and key lime pie that he boght me on a night when that's all the money he had in his wallet! (I didn't know that at the time, or I would have shared!) It had a little bit to do with the fact that he knew, loved, and owned the music to "Somewhere in Time," which was a must for any man I would seriously consider marrying, and I asked him if he had heard it on date #2 I think.  I was 19 and immature when I met him, but smart enough to know he was a keeper pretty early on.
3 weeks after our first "date," we celebrated his 25th birthday together with friends.  I wrote him a poem in a card about being a quarter of a century old...then I taped a quarter into the card.  I bought him the soundtrack of 'Dances with Wolves' on cassette (we're sooo old!), because John Barry of Somewhere in Time fame had also composed that music and I knew he would love it! We watched the movie together on our official first date! I also gave him a mug with Hershey kisses and hugs in it.  Well, he kept the mug but gave away the candy and he spent the quarter...but he wore out the cassette in his Walkman, so that's okay. 
So now it's 20 years of marriage and 5 kids later...wow! Today is his birthday and he's...older than 25! :) He's a wonderful husband and a great father and people love him.  They love him because he's kind...to everyone...even, and especially those whom others are not kind too. He always has time to talk to people; friends, family, co-workers and strangers.  There are homeless people that are on a first name basis with him...not because he's always given them money, but because he's always talked to them.  It's a running joke in our family that the homeless and mentally ill are attracted to Kelly - and it's true.  He's been approached by so many different people over the years that I know they can sense the kindness and sincerity in his spirit.  He is honest to a fault (don't ask him how you look in something if you don't really want to know) and works harder than anyone I know.  I don't think he always gets all the credit he deserves, but he's humble and just keeps on keepin' on.  He does what he's supposed to, when he's supposed to and how he's supposed to.  He's not perfect, (if you've read other posts you know that), but he's perfect for me.  He's so much nicer to me than I am to him.  He will do anything for me that I ask, including, but not limited to, getting up at 1am to get me socks for my cold feet, a drink of water, Tylenol or  a barfing kid.  He'll do anything for our kids; pick them up late from movies, get up early to take them to basketball, make a midnight run to a.m./p.m.  for nachos and soda...you get the picture? He'll do almost anything to help anyone, and yes, I have occasionally had to put my foot down- but that's who he is.  The only times he's not nice is if you mess with me, then heaven help you!
What a blessing for parents to have a son like that.  I hope our kids will follow his example of service and Christ-like love for others.  Now that I have known him for almost a quarter of a century, I can honestly say I am the luckiest girl in the world.  Love that guy!! Happy Birthday!

What's on the inside...

*I wrote this inFebruary on my old blog-but this is how I was feeling today and I'm thinking of abandoning the other one (shhh)...so, I put it here.  Maybe it will motivate me to get my crap together if I know someone read it!

Well, I did it. I finished off half a bag of peanut butter m&m's after having corn bread with honey butter for breakfast and before having Ramen noodles for lunch! I think date night tonight may involve a trip to find some pants in a bigger size...'cause I'm beginning to run out of options.


Why does it have to be so hard? I don't expect to be able to eat crap all day and look like a super model, but do I have to eat carrots and celery and drink nothing but water and exercise 2 hours a day to not have a muffin front? (I guess it's a good thing, I don't really have love handles...but I'm sure they could be arranged!) I don't usually eat like I did today, sometimes it's worse, usually it's better, but I just want to be normal! I don't want to obsess about food and my body and what I'm going to wear.

I didn't go to our stake humanitarian project last night for a myriad of reasons, but at the top of the list was this: It was cold...even for California. The pants I was wearing were capris, which means you can really only wear sandals or slip ons without socks... no way! Besides, Kelly called them "Billy Ocean Pants" last night, as in 'painted on jeans,' so obviously I'm rethinking my decision to have worn them out of the house already. I had zero desire to go stand in my closet, stare blankly into space and hope (yet again) that something will magically appear for me to wear. I know what's in there...I see it every day, and it sees me every day...we kind of have a stand off going on. Am I going to lose weight or are they going to D.I.?

I am not trying to complain, there are a lot of problems people have out there and on the scale (ha ha) of things, this isn't a crisis- I am blessed beyond compare. But s.e.r.i.o.u.s.l.y, seriously! We are taught that our bodies shouldn't be our focus, and I agree, but while mine is clearly not my focus, I sure spend a lot of time thinking about it. I believe it's what's inside that counts the most...but when what's on the inside starts showing up on the outside.... whoa!

I'm kind of an all or nothing type of girl...I am either a clean freak, or my house is in shambles for a week or two. I either read my scriptures daily or I don't know where they are. I either hit the gym 5 to 6 days a week and throw away every bit of unhealthy food, or...NOT. I am trying to work on 'moderation in all things', an inspired idea...but it's hard when you're programmed to be 'all or nothing.' Thus, my on-going debate: I really love food and I love to eat. It makes me happy...not in a creepy, childhood trauma, "food is the only thing that loved me" kind of way, just in a "dang, that pasta is off the chain!" - kind of way. Take my Ramen noodles...reminds me of my Grammy. I ate them religiously at her house (and Vienna sausage). She would bring them to me when I stayed home from school, "sick." One time she brought me some and I fixed them after she left. Sadly, they were from her food storage and were full of weevil. To this day it remains one of the most disappointing moments in my life (told you I led a blessed life). I almost tried to eat it, but I couldn't do it. I know they're not good for me...but they're good! Chocolate cake is good, cheesecake, steak, sour cream, butter and ice cream, it's all good, and I'm never, never going to not eat some of it. I guess I just don't need to eat ALL of it.

Home Security

It was hot. Dang hot. So hot you could hardly breathe.  I threw the covers off and looked at the clock...4 a.m. I got up and walked over to the sliding glass door of my bedroom and reached through the blinds to unlock it.  As the 'louder than expected' click echoed through the room, the blinds simultaneously clanked into one another and I realized my mistake.  It was like slow motion as my head turned toward the bed to see Kelly, flinging bed sheets and pillows and going from a prone position to a standing posistion all in one move.  His fists were clenched and he was furious.  He looked like a giant, white hulk, ready for battle as he roared, "WHO-ARE-YOU-AND-WHAT-ARE-YOU-DOING-HERE?!"
"STOP! STOP! IT'S ME, IT'S ME!" I screamed, as I threw one arm up defensively and pressed my body to the glass.  It may seem hard to believe, but my sudden crouching position was both defensive and offensive.  I was prepared to pounce if he came any closer... and I had a target in mind. 
He stood there for a moment, his eyes adjusting to the darkness, the only sound was our mutual heavy breathing and the blinds bouncing off eachother. 
"What are you doing? Why were you outside?" He demanded.
"Holy crap! I was just opening the door, it's hot in here!" I demanded right back.
 Silence. Blinds.
"I'm sorry...I was just protecting us..." he said, and tentatively reached out to touch my arm.
"It's fine...I'm going back to bed..." and I did.
But then I had to get back up because now I had a scratchy sore spot in my throat from screaming and I needed a drink and a cough drop...and to go explain to Savannah what Daddy and I were talking about. But I feel safe knowing he's there...mostly! Love you honey <3

The father of our country...German style

In order to keep things real around here, I have to share the real things that happen around here...even if it is during family scriptures study.  There we were, seated on the couches in our living room, scriptures in hand and it begins.  Someone (probably a boy) bumps someone and that someone proceeds to call the bumper a "dirty German."  The whole name-calling thing has been on my priority list of things to rid our family of.  The boys recent fascination with WW2 movies has not made it any easier.
 I scold, correct, try to get back on track.  Quincy says, "don't call me a dirty German, I'm a dutch man."  Only he says 'dootch' which brings about a round of cackles from the peanut gallery (Isaiah) who says, "you're a douche?!" Now I'm fully engaged, scolding and correcting King Peanut, and explaining to Quincy that the word is deutsche (you can bet I had to look that up!) and it's pronounced 'doy-ch.' Well, now all the little ears have perked up and the giggling has intensified.  Brayden wants to know if 'douche' is a bad word and I explain that "no, it's not a bad word, it's just a word that means wash, but it's not a word he should be saying.   Quincy then proceeds to tell us that his body wash says 'gel douche' on the bottle and I say, "I know! It just means wash!" Brayden thinks for a minute and then says, "so in German it would be George Douche-ington!"
We laughed uncontrollably for ten minutes.  Finally I had to get control of the group and I knew I had to make sure this didn't leave the house.  I settled them down and said, "Listen, we do not talk about this to anyone, it would be inappropriate! This is not a word we use." Without skipping a beat, Quincy chimes in..."unless we're in the feminine hygiene aisle!"